Furlough Fun

Today is the last day of furloughs for Department of the Army civilians.  We were going to suffer through 11 days of non-pay status but the Chief of Staff argued it down to only six days.  I've been essentially laid off every Friday for the last month and a half but now the torture is over.  Of course, since it was time spent out of the office, I had set my email to respond for me.  I'd like to share some of the Out of Office Auto Replies I used.

I'm currently out of office on furlough.  Since I'm not being paid, please contact someone who is.

Funny thing was we lost most of our contractor support during this time as well while their contracts were being renegotiated so there were a lot of employees not being paid to work.

Hello, I'm currently out of the office on furlough.  I would ask you to contact my supervisor but he is also out on furlough.

And he was, too.  We had the same furlough day.  The office was split so that half were furloughed on Mondays and the other half were furloughed on Fridays.  The idea was that we'd still be able to work always having at least half the office present.  The reality was that we effectively had a three day work week because, inevitably, the person you needed to speak with was on furlough.  By the time you spoke to that person, the person you needed to follow up with next was on furlough.

I am currently out of the office on furlough.  It is forced time off without pay.  Please contact the US Congress for assistance.  They are actually not working but still getting paid for it.

And its follow on,

I am currently out of the office on furlough.  Please contact your preferred 24-hour news channel.  They are standing by to spoon-feed you the answer which fits most comfortably into your worldview.  

Never missing a chance to take potshots at the easy targets.  I really don't like playing pin the blame on the donkey and a complex mechanism like finance isn't helped by soundbites but sometimes that's all the audience can handle. 

Actually, the Out of Office Auto Reply I used most was the chorus from "Sixteen Tons", first recorded in 1946 by American country musician Merle Travis.  Tennessee Ernie Ford's 1955 version, which topped the Billboard charts, is probably the most recognizable.

You load sixteen tons and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go,
I owe my soul to the company store.

See Wikipedia's file page regarding the embedded audio clip for concerns on this sample's copyright status. 

Why Sharks Circle Before Attacking

I was sent this joke in honor of Discovery Channel's Shark Week.  Some people think that Shark Week itself has jumped the shark and is the best shark joke now but I think this one's a contender.

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."  And they did.
"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."  And they did. 
"Now we eat everybody!"  And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?  Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"

No need to thank me.  I just try to learn something new every day.

Laceration

As a Scout leader trained in Wilderness and Remote First Aid, I am well qualified to report on first aid incidents.  I've written before about my own injuries and here's another first aid article.  Fortunately, I'm not the one who got injured this time.

In stitches. Not funny. 

This is one of my scouts from Boy Scout Troop "Hardcore" 444, who sliced his hand deeply while using a knife in an unsafe manner.  The exact circumstances don't need to be reported but, needless to say, he received prompt and appropriate medical care, including a trip to the hospital for stitches.  This photo is from after the boy returned to camp that night. 
So there's this misconception that "two-deep leadership" means only two adults are needed on any activity.  This event proves that wrong.  Troop 444 operates with at least four adults for just this sort of situation.  If we didn't have enough adult leaders, everyone would have had to break camp and go to the hospital.   As it was, we were able to send the injured scout, two more scouts, and two adults to the hospital while the remainder of the troop stayed at the camp out and continued with the program.  We were able to play it by the book to take care of an emergency while continuing to deliver the Scouting program.
Proper medical care for a cut like this is direct pressure to stop the bleeding.  Use a shirt, neckerchief, or, as we had available, a large gauze pad from our well-stocked troop first aid kit.  The blood flow was doing a good job washing out the cut on its own and indicated that stitches would be needed.  If there isn't as much blood, wash the cut with clean soapy water, rinse with clean water, and bandage with gauze.  But in this case, it was gauze and more gauze then prep for travel.
Also, treat for shock by sitting the patient down and applying first aid quickly and professionally.  You can wrap the patient in a blanket and have them sip water, as well.
The injured scout was able to return to camp that night and participate in the closing campfire program.  During an after action report type activity we call "Roses, Buds, and Thorns", this scout complained about the lack of speedy response when he injured himself.  Not to be mean, but he was corrected and it was pointed out that he was treated and ready for travel in ten minutes and at the hospital within the golden hour.  Then the adult leaders discussed with the rest of the scouts about the proper treatment for this type of injury, simply grabbing cloth and applying direct pressure.  
By being prepared with training and equipment, this scout has made a full recovery and doesn't even have a scar to brag about. 

Brew Fail

Well, that sucks.
You'll recall that I was brewing up an Irish Red beer last February; which turned out great, by the way.  I took a bit of a break to concentrate on mead for my friend's wedding reception and then I started a brown ale.  Which I ruined.  It was only a one gallon fermenter but still.  Down the drain.
It started off poorly when the wort boiled over.  Huge hoppy, malty mess all over the stove top.  Then I got it into the fermenter and the yeast took off for a day.  Just about blew the airlock off the stopper.  Lots of foam.  And then it just stopped, 24 hours of massive activity then nothing.  The yeast settled to the bottom and it never fermented.
I think I burned the sugar when I was brewing up the malt.  Or it could have blown all the sugar out one of those times it all overflowed.
Anyway, I did admit to not being an expert.  I've gotten a couple successful batches out and this time I didn't.  I'll obviously keep trying. 

Boy Scouts of America passes membership resolution

The Boy Scouts of America have completed the review of their youth membership policy and released a statement.

"For 103 years, the Boy Scouts of America has been a part of the fabric of this nation, with a focus on working together to deliver the nation's foremost youth program of character development and values-based leadership training.
"Based on growing input from within the Scouting family, the BSA leadership chose to conduct an additional review of the organization's long-standing membership policy and its impact on Scouting's mission. This review created an outpouring of feedback from the Scouting family and the American public, from both those who agree with the current policy and those who support a change.
"Today, following this review, the most comprehensive listening exercise in Scouting's history the approximate 1,400 voting members of the Boy Scouts of America's National Council approved a resolution to remove the restriction denying membership to youth on the basis of sexual orientation alone. The resolution also reinforces that Scouting is a youth program, and any sexual conduct, whether heterosexual or homosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting. A change to the current membership policy for adult leaders was not under consideration; thus, the policy for adults remains in place. The BSA thanks all the national voting members who participated in this process and vote.
"This policy change is effective Jan. 1, 2014, allowing the Boy Scouts of America the transition time needed to communicate and implement this policy to its approximately 116,000 Scouting units.
"The Boy Scouts of America will not sacrifice its mission, or the youth served by the movement, by allowing the organization to be consumed by a single, divisive, and unresolved societal issue. As the National Executive Committee just completed a lengthy review process, there are no plans for further review on this matter.

"While people have different opinions about this policy, we can all agree that kids are better off when they are in Scouting. Going forward, our Scouting family will continue to focus on reaching and serving youth in order to help them grow into good, strong citizens. America's youth need Scouting, and by focusing on the goals that unite us, we can continue to accomplish incredible things for young people and the communities we serve."

I campaigned in favor of this change and I am proud to see the Boy Scouts of America take this step forward to support our youth, our country, and our future.

Blogger Problems

I've reported this issue several times but it isn't getting fixed.  Well, there's several issues between Blogger and Firefox and but this one is about not being signed in when I view my blog in order to moderate it.  Blogger just refuses to keep me signed in.  I want to, need to, moderate comments because as much as I enjoy porn website link spam, I really enjoy being able to report spam and block it from this family-friendly blog.  So until I can do something about this, all comments are hidden. 
There's another problem where Blogger and Firefox don't work together and that's when I publish a post and Blogger is supposed to automatically share to Google+.  I just get a grayed-out screen and the browser fails to display the sharing window.  I may end up turning that off and relying on manual sharing even on Chrome.
Well, that's enough complaining for now.  I'll clean up the comments when I get home and continue to report problems when a Google feature doesn't work with a common browser. 

Dead duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.  As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry.  Your duck has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure.  Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.  "I mean, you haven't done any tests on him or anything!  He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room.  He returned a few minutes later with a large black Labrador Retriever.  As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, placed his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from beak to tail.  He then looked up at the vet and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.  A few minutes later, he returned with a cat.  The cat jumped up onto the table and also sniffed the bird from head to webbed toes.  The cat sat back on her haunches, shook her head, and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm so sorry, but I can confirm that this is a deceased duck." 
As the woman walked out of the office through the reception room, the veterinarian's assistant handed her the bill. 
"Fifteen hundred dollars!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead?!"
"Yes, ma'am," the veterinarian explained.  "Twenty dollars for the appointment, $990 for the cat scan, and $490 for the lab report."