There is only one lawyer joke; all the rest are true stories.
The United Way realized it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute before replying. "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyong her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," continues the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six kids?"
The stricken volunteer begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a horrible car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled with severe learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
"That's fine," the lawyer finishes. "So if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any money to you?!"